Sunday, October 28, 2012

HOLLOWEEN JOKE

First BAD Halloween Joke Of The Year



Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.

One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.

The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely.

After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom, 'I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!'


'IMPOSSIBLE !' said the groom broom.


Are you ready for this?
Brace yourself; this is going to hurt
! !! !! ! 




'WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!'


............ ............ ..............
Oh for goodness sake... Laugh, or at least groan.
Life's too short not to enjoy...
 Sounds to me like she's ....... !
......been ....sweeping around!!!

Sunday, October 14, 2012

IN GOD WE TRUST GONE FROM COINS

Distribution has begun...Refuse new coins!           True Americans will refuse these It has begun..
REFUSE NEW COINS

This simple action will make a strong statement. 
Please help do this.. Refuse to accept these when they are
handed to you.

I received one from the Post Office as change and I asked for a

dollar bill instead. 
The lady just smiled and said 'way to go' , so she had read
this e -mail. 
Please help out..our world is in enough trouble
without this too!!!!!

U.S. Government to Release New Dollar Coins
You guessed it
'IN GOD WE TRUST'
  IS GONE from the front and back!!!
If ever there was a reason to boycott something, THIS IS IT!!!!
DO NOT ACCEPT THE NEW DOLLAR COINS
 AS CHANGE
Together we can force them out of circulation..
 

Please send
to all on
your mailing
list!!

Saturday, October 13, 2012

GARY COLLINS DEATH

Gary Collins, actor and TV host, dies at 74


Gary Collins
Gary Collins 

Gary Collins, an actor who was the longtime host of the syndicated TV show “Hour Magazine” and a former master of ceremonies for the Miss America Pageant, died early Saturday in Biloxi, Miss. He was 74.
Collins died of natural causes soon after arriving at Biloxi Regional Medical Center, Harrison County Coroner Gary Hargrove told the Associated Press.
In 2011 Collins moved to Mississippi, the home state of his wife, Mary Ann Mobley, an actress and Miss America 1959. He had been arrested and fined last year for leaving a Biloxi restaurant without paying his dinner tab; in 2007 and 2009 he was convicted in separate DUI cases in California.
PHOTOS: Notable Deaths of 2012
From 1980 to 1988, Collins served as host of the TV talk show “Hour Magazine,” a gentler version of the genre that avoided some of the controversial topics tackled by Phil Donahue, Geraldo Rivera and other tabloid programs.
“It seems that the viewing public and producers of those programs have tapped into this insatiable desire for stronger formats, stronger issues, stronger confrontations, a stronger examination of subject matter and reality subject matter. And that was never ‘Hour Magazine,’ “ Collins told The Times in 1989 soon after the show was canceled.
Describing himself as “inquisitive, sensitive, caring, likable, nonconfrontational,” Collins added, “I don’t think all television has to be on that hard edge.… That’s basically not a part of my character.”
Collins had also been emcee of the Miss America Pageant in the 1980s and hosted other televised variety programs.
Born April 30, 1938, in Venice, Collins enrolled in Santa Monica City College before joining the Army. He became an announcer and disc jockey for Armed Forces Radio and began acting. After his military service ended he landed a starring role in the 1965 sitcom “The Wackiest Ship in the Army” and followed with regular roles in the TV series “Iron Horse,” “The Sixth Sense” and “Born Free.” He also had a string of guest star appearances in popular prime-time programs.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

GRADY'S GEM AND THE CLOCK



Grady’s gem
NEVER STAND IF YOU CAN SIT
NEVER SIT IF YOU CAN LAY DOWN
NEVER PASS A CHANCE TO EAT
OR GO TO THE BATHROOM
AND NEVER EVER DEAL WITH SOMEONE
THAT SAYS  !!TRUST ME!!!


THE CLOCK
THE CLOCK OF LIFE IS WOUND
BUT ONCE AND NO ONE HAS THE THE POWERTO KNOW JUST WHEN
THE CLOCK WILL STOP.AT LATE OR EARLY HOUR
NOW IS THE ONLY TIME YOU  HAVE.
LIVE LOVE AND TOIL WITH A WILL
PLACE NO FAITH IN TOMORROW.
FOR THE CLOCKTHEN MAY BE STILL.

CHICKEN LITTLE

The sky is falling, really
By Jack Knight
            Recently I read a column in The American where  the writer stated, “The sky will not fall after the election in November.” I was thinking, as I dozed off into what I hoped would be  pleasant dreams. “Everyone picks on Chicken Little; give the   bird a break.” Remember his squawk was, “The sky IS falling.”
            Chicken Little is alive, mean and well. I know,  I saw the rooster yesterday while at work, he was sitting on the water cooler, bibbing a bottle of Bud Lite as if it were water. His feathers were ruffled  and apparently  his ears couldn’t   handle  the misquote .  They were  rolled up like Chinese fortune cookies and twisted into miniature kitchen-burned pretzels.
            The rooster  was holding court at the water cooler and he had gathered a pro-chicken audience.  He continued with his red eyes gaped  straight at me “ If I wuz dead I would still roll over in my grave,   fly up from the red clay and tear you  asunder; maybe even peck yo tongue into an  unpalatable pulp.”
Mr. Little, egged on by the crowd continued talking and strutting. That’s when I noticed, instead of spurs he  had straight razors strapped to his legs  . I timidly  asked the rooster how he felt when he heard the misquote    he said, “What do you think, you henpecked chicken plucker.”
            I whined, “Mr. Little, it weren’t  me who did you in. It was someone from The American.”  But my words rolled off of my tongue  like a sack of marbles, going  in every direction except toward the bird.
            The rooster had the cooler and he wasn’t about to give it   up, “If I wuz you Mr. Peckerwood, I  wouldn’t leave home  without a full metal mask and a pair of peck-proof sunshades, and under no circumstances would I visit a henhouse or patronize Colonel Sanders and Popeye’s.”
            My wife shook me out of my nightmare and it felt good but uneasy.  Maybe   I should say something that would  help the bird keep his reputation…
            Our skies are not “Moon over Miami”  anymore. For the past   four years  they have been  in a massive Obama freefall and is currently being  propelled by a mega-trillion dollar plummet which could  crash and vaporize our economy after  November’s  election.
            Our president   must be held accountable for his  incompetence in dealing with terrorists, and his    sophomoric    behavior  in claiming free speech  was responsible for  the murders of  our ambassador   Chris Stevens and three support people who were protecting him.
            Mr. Obama blamed the whole incident on free speech; not on terrorists but on a grainy filmstrip depicting the Koran in an unfavorable light. He also spent thousands of dollars on a TV ad apologizing   to   the Middle East for the strip.
            To double dumb-down  matters   Obama put Ambassador Rice on her talk show bicycle to peddle the blame for   the blood-splatter   murders on our First Amendment, not terrorism.
            In 2009 Maj. Nidal Hasan murdered 13 soldiers and wounded 29 others, simultaneously shouting passages from the Koran. Today Obama still sees these anarchies of murder as isolated events, having nothing to do with terror.
            We could go on with a litany of charges against Obama and his Chicago hooligans, but this is the responsibility of a true bonifide press
             Over 60 million people saw the recent debates between Obama and Romney and our president’s   performance, at best, created doubt in the minds of many in his ability to lead a great country.
            Maybe   The Emperor wears no clothes. His teleprompter was invisible. The Jell-O-spine     press with their  easy-rider questions were not visible  either.  The light was on but Mr. Obama was not home. His performance  was embarrassingly painful to watch.
Jack Knight is a retired Los Angeles City Schools math and computer science teacher. Reach him at knight3230@att.net

Monday, October 8, 2012

A PICTURE TO REMEMBER



Friday, October 5, 2012

NOAH


 

NOAH TODAY

In the year 2011, the Lord came unto Noah,

who was now living in Miami and said:
"Once again, the earth has become wicked and over
-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me."

"Build another ark and save 2 of every living thing
along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying:
"You have 6 months to build the ark
 before I will
start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah
weeping in his yard - but no ark.

"Noah!," he roared, "I'm about to start the rain!
Where is the ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed."
"I needed a Building Permit."


"I've been arguing with the Boat Inspector
about the need for a sprinkler system."


"My neighbors claim that I've violated the
Neighborhood By-Laws by building the ark
 in my
back garden and exceeding the height limitations. We had to
go to the Local Planning Committee for a decision."

"Then the Local Council and the Electricity Company demanded a shed load of money for the future costs of moving power
lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the
passage for the ark's move to the sea. I told them
that the sea would be coming to us, but they would
hear nothing of it."


"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban
on cutting local trees in order to save the Greater Spotted Barn Owl."

"I tried to convince the environmentalists that I
needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!"

"When I started gathering the animals the RSPCA took me to court. They insisted that I was
confining wild animals against their will. They
argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and
It was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in
a confined space."


"Then the Environmental Protection Agency ruled that I couldn't build the ark
 until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood."


"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the
Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm
supposed to hire for my building crew."


"Immigration is checking the
visa status of most of the people who want to work."


"The trade unions say I can't use my sons. They
insist I have to hire only union workers with
ark-building experience."


"To make matters worse, the Internal Revenue Service seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally
with endangered species."


"So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10
years for me to finish this ark."



"Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine,
and a rainbow stretched across the sky."
 





Noah looked up in wonder and asked,
"You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"

"No," said the Lord.
" The Government beat me to it."